Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Happy Little Accidents

I am borrowing this phrase from the late, great Bob Ross to describe and talk about conception. Specifically, the conception of our darling (sleeping, for now) daughter.

Wow, what a surprise. And, I hesitate a moment to say, shock. My mother and father tried for several years to conceive a baby before finally carrying a pregnancy to term (me). I was told it would likely be quite difficult for me to have children as well - which was fine. I thought I didn't want children. I was taking birth control pills.

For four nights, I woke with terrible abdominal pain. My husband insisted that I go to the doctor - he wouldn't leave for work otherwise. They did a pregnancy test - and when it came back positive - my jaw literally dropped. As did my mom's - she was in the exam room with me. I protested - "But we're moving to New York in two months for grad school." As if, somehow, that made it impossible - and it would reverse the doctor's statement of fact.

All this to say that I was mistaken. I do want children. Lucy has made everything better. Now, I too, am new. This world around us seen through her eyes is truly delightful.

Should I feel guilty to have this blessing I didn't want? I do. I do when I see our friends who've known their whole lives that they wanted to be parents and are devastated as another month passes with no sign of pregnancy.

Our lotus is blooming - another miraculous event. We've been watching and waiting as the flower stalk emerged and grew. Now it has popped and we'll enjoy the beautiful bloom for the brief time it's here. Hopefully we'll collect the seeds and have another plant or two next year.

The fall garden is going in very slowly. I am trying to remain optimistic. But, getting everyone together on what actually needs to happen is a battle.

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